things that will rip out your heart

I wrote a post once a few months back entitled “Do you remember?” and in it I mentioned the idea of my little one walking away from me on stronger legs. Alluding to the day he will start kindergarten.  It seemed such a distant event.  As if it would never get here.  And yet, here I sit realizing that I have 2 days left with him to myself.  The kids will be out of school, summer will be busy and in 11 short weeks I will be sitting in my kitchen crying because my little blond baby toddled his way off to school.  As a 5 year old. 

If that is not enough to rip out a heart, I don’t know what is.  No one ever warned me how much it would hurt to have my little ones grow up. I am sure I have been in denial of the fact that my kids are actually growing up.  Isabel tries her hardest to remind she is no longer 3, but she has been doing that since she was 3.  Some how the days slipped by.  The years blurred into the next and my version of motherhood will never be what is has been for the last 10 years, almost to the day.  

This post is a shout out to moms.  I need some warning about the milestones that will rip out my heart so that I can prepare myself for them. While I should be been preparing myself for the last 10 years, I was busy thinking the day would never come.  As foolishly as I thought my babies would never sleep through the night.  So, what rips out your heart?  Maybe I can’t actually prepare myself for these things but can only pray for strength when they come my way.   Still, I would love a small heads up.   You know, like 10 years notice.  



5 thoughts on “things that will rip out your heart

  1. Since I’m in the same boat as you……I can’t give advice 10 years in advance, but I can relate to EXACTLY what you are saying. I remember walking down the hall with my two boys as my second was starting Kindergarten, and I was just letting the tears roll down my cheeks so I wouldn’t have to let go of their hands. Around the corner came the Bishop’s wife……(5 kids) and her last was just starting 1st grade. She had the biggest smile on her face. She saw me and laughed her head off. Here I was a complete mess and she was as happy as could be cause she was alone all day every day from that moment on! It goes by so fast……I fear the day of being alone. Good luck with the baby starting kindergarten……I feel for you! Enjoy your summer with everyone home!

  2. you’ve got me in tears. I think that is why people keep having more and more kids- they can’t bear the thought of the last this or the last that. I think the secret (which I have not mastered) is to be present, in the moment, with them and not wish the stages of their lives away.

  3. Oh, I feel your heartache. It’s so hard for me to watch my kids grow up right before my eyes.

    A really tough one for me was when my son was old enough to drive. First, it’s a sobering feeling to know I’m old enough to have a kid that age. Second, there’s that painful tug of letting go when he is in the driver’s seat and I’m the passenger. It takes trust and allowing independence, which I’m not very good at giving up so freely. I guess I’m kind of a control freak =)

    Another hard one for me was when my baby girl (now 11) started liking boys. I don’t know for sure why this one was hard for me except for the fact that she is my baby.

    Enjoy the journey, Erin!

  4. So nicely said. My mom has told me from day one to cherish my little ones. She warned me of how quickly they do grow up, and to not worry about difficult stages. Just enjoy, enjoy, enjoy. My children are my greatest treasures. I just need to remember that at the times I feel like I am going to explode. 🙂

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