isn’t it all kairos?

I recently read an article written by a mother with young children refuting the “carpe diem” approach to mothering.  Every mother out there has had someone remind her to enjoy their small children because it goes so fast.  Don’t wish it away kind of thing.  The writer wanted to let it be known that she was tired of that line of reasoning.

The response to this article was mostly positive, in favor of wishing away the days of runny noses and diaper changes.  It was widely agreed that mothering is something you look back on and enjoy having done, but do not enjoy doing.  She enjoys seeing glimpses of her beautiful children like a slow motion movie reel, or as she put it, Kairos or God’s time mothering.  But she really doesn’t want to deal with potty training and the day to day, Chronos of real time mothering.  Just like a mountain climber really doesn’t like the arduous journey up Everest, but rather is only proud of the accomplishment when finished.  You can’t Seize the Day, only brief moments.

Quite a few moms I looked up to voiced their support for this article and it made me incredibly sad.  And here is why.

I know every mom gets frustrated.  Some hide it better than others, but it is a fact of motherhood.  Every mom gets tired.  And every kid grows up.  The diaper changes end and the worries get bigger.   Blatantly tossing out the idea of enjoying as much as you can as a mother feels like a brick to the side of the head of everything mothering is.

I am sure it is impossible to literally enjoy every moment of mothering young children.  BUT.  It is also quite unlikely that mothers look back and think they enjoyed enough of it.  I don’t very often hear,  ”I enjoyed my kids so much that there was no more room in my heart for memories.”  I am pretty sure I have never heard that.

When those sweet old ladies in the line at Target look at your children and remind you that they grow so fast, they are not telling you that you are not appreciating them enough.  They are just reminiscing about what a fleeting time it was in their lives.

We are not usually given advice to pressure us or reprimand, but rather encourage!  Take heart that the rough days don’t last forever!  Your kids will sleep through the night.  Eventually you will no longer have little ones in diapers.  They will go to school and grow up and lets hope you were able to enjoy some everyday.  Heaven knows there are more rough times ahead…

I believe a climber does enjoy the journey.  I believe they climb the tallest peaks in the world because there is something along every step of the way that is meant to be enjoyed.  It’s not easy to do or to enjoy at times, but there are many opportunities to enjoy.  I believe Kairos and Chronos don’t have to be so separate.

I believe this is what is meant when people say “Carpe Diem.” Let the busy day to day of carpooling, and grocery shopping chronos, intermingle with the moment you see the sun bounce off your sons yellow hair or watch your daughters face beam with pride at a good report card, kairos.  Try and let the lines cross instead of pushing them further away from each other.

Don’t be so hard on yourself.  Or your children.  Because when you look back at it, it will all seem like Kairos and you don’t want to have missed that because you dismissed it as Chronos.

Of course it is easiest to enjoy the view from the top.  Imagine how beautiful it would be if we were able to let ourselves enjoy more of the journey as well.

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